<h1 style="text-align: center;">“The Resume”</h1>
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<p>I cannot, in good conscience, tell a young man in today's marriage environment that running out and getting married is a good idea. That being said, many young men are going to do so, for a number of reasons. Perhaps you are religious, and take your beliefs seriously, and want to establish a holy union. Good for you. Perhaps you simply have some young lady whom you believe to be an extra special snowflake and you want to lock her down. Not necessarily a great idea. It's true marriage rates are falling, but there are obviously some of you out there still getting hitched, for whatever reason. What I'm going to tell you is what I would tell my own younger, foolish self if I could step back a couple of decades in time, before I got married, and, eventually, frivorced by an unhaaaapppy now ex-wife. It isn't romantic or pretty, but neither is getting divorce raped in family court, especially when you have kids. So if you would, lend me your ears for a few moments, and I'll try to help you avoid the mistakes I made.</p>
<p>So, you've found a young lady you want to marry, and you're seriously considering popping the question, getting a license, and putting a ring on her finger. You're about to make what you assume will be a life-long commitment. Tell me, how many life-long commitments have you ever made? None? Well then, what do you expect to get out of this commitment? What do you expect to give in return? Love? This may come as a surprise, but for many of our co-species females that is an extremely nebulous term, with multiple definitions to be determined as needed at the moment in question. You need a clear understanding of what you will receive for your commitment. You need your beloved to give you her <a href="https://blog.loveawake.com/2025/05/19/4-essential-conversations-couples-should-have-before-making-big-commitments/">marriage resume</a>.</p>
<p>What? You've never heard of a marriage resume? Let me ask you a question... If you were (or are) a highly-paid professional, running your own company, would you simply hire anyone who walked in the door and asked for a job? No? Of course not.... If you did you would quickly be out of business. If you are running a successful business you need people who are competent, dependable and committed, and you expect any potential hires to show you this with a resume and interview. Well friend, when you take a wife you are exposing yourself to far greater levels of legal and financial risk than any employee in any company you might run will ever cause for you. Nearly fifty percent of marriages end in divorce, the vast majority of which are initiated by women, with men losing the vast majority of resources in the process. So you'd better do your due diligence first.</p>
<h2>What A Resume Does</h2>
<p>First of all, requiring a resume demonstrates who is in charge of the commitment process. Remember, women control access to sex, but men control access to commitment. Say that to yourself however many times it takes to get it thoroughly ingrained in your psyche. A woman has no more right to demand a commitment from you than you do to demand sex from her. No means no, after all, even for men. If a woman must put down in writing why she is worthy to be your wife, then you have established your frame as dominant at the front end of the marriage.</p>
<p>A resume also establishes a mind-set of abundance. Respected corporations offering good careers expect to interview dozens of qualified candidates for any opening. By requiring a marital resume you establish that you have other options, and that a woman must pre-qualify herself to you. With a mind-set of abundance you free yourself from pressure to make a quick and likely disastrous decision. You are in control of the process, you make the decision, and she must appeal to you. Keep it that way. If she declines, that is her right... and obviously she was NOT the right candidate for the position. Wish her well and show her the door.</p>
<p>A resume can also bring to light previously unknown red flags that should deter you from <a href="https://www.loveawake.com/free-online-dating/United-States/state-of-California.html?gender=female&page=61">marrying a woman</a>. Has she been riding the carousel? Is she on psychotropic medications? Does she have a high debt load? A proper marital resume, as we will discuss shortly, should reveal any of these defects, and any one of them should be a deal breaker. Never be afraid to walk away from a bad deal.</p>
<h2>What A Resume Should Tell You</h2>
<p>There are a number of things that should be required, in writing, from your prospective wife in a pre-marital resume. Is she a virgin? If not, how many men has she been with, and for how long? If she is not a virgin, and especially if she has been with multiple partners, your risk for divorce increases exponentially.</p>
<p>Does she suffer from mental illness? This includes a need to take medicine for depression. Do you really want to lie down and go to sleep next to crazy every night? Very bad things can happen to an unsuspecting man snoozing away next to psycho-bunny.</p>
<p>Does she have a high level of personal debt? If so, why? This usually points to a lack of self-control. When she has full access to your money and credit as well, do you think she will suddenly become more responsible? Really? Did you know that in many states husbands are responsible for their wives' debts, whether they agree to or co-sign those debts or not?</p>
<p>What, exactly, does she bring to the table as a wife? Does she intend to keep a clean house, cook good meals, raise children, and take care of her husband in the bedroom on a regular basis? Has she demonstrated (within reason, of course) that she is able and/or willing to do these things? If she is a slob who has never yet cooked you a decent meal, do you expect a wedding ring to change that? Clear <a href="https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/09/06/demands-and-expectations-in-a-relationship/">demands and expectations in a relationship</a> should be documented and mutually understood before committing to marriage.</p>
<h2>What To Expect</h2>
<p>I expect that the majority of women will reject this idea out of hand. Fine. If she is unwilling, prior to marriage, to come completely clean with you, then walk. Immediately. Prior to the wedding you have complete control over whether or not to offer commitment. If you insist on doing so, do it ONLY on your terms. Not hers, or her parents, or your parents, or your mutual friends. You are the only person marrying this woman, it is your decision to call it off at any time if you so choose.</p>
<p>Expect shaming language. From angry women who can't believe you would require this of them. From her family. Possibly from your own family. Probably from many church members, and even church leaders. Just remember, none of these people will have to endure what you will when you go through a frivorce, especially if you have children. Stand your ground, maintain your frame, and do not apologize for doing what is right.</p>
<p>If she agrees to submit a resume, expect to check it. She should have references, and you must do your due diligence and check those references. She should be willing to present you with medical proof of being STD free, as well as being a virgin if she represents herself as such on her resume. If you find she has lied, about anything whatsoever, walk immediately. A wedding ring will not make her magically more honest. Understanding how <a href="https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/10/04/relationship-madness-negative-expectations/">relationship madness and negative expectations</a> develop is crucial to avoiding patterns that lead to failed marriages.</p>
<h2>The Path Forward</h2>
<p>Finally, whatever else you do, do not agree to provide her a resume of your own. Once again, this is about frame and dominance. If you are going to get married, then she must demonstrate that she is worthy of your commitment. Women may control access to sex, but men control access to commitment. DO NOT forget that. Establish that you are her personal alpha by requiring her to meet your demands before she receives any commitment. If she refuses, next her and move on. After all, it's always better to want what you don't have than to have what you don't want.</p>